I was a girl totally dependent esp on a friend of mine for trivial of the matters to the matters the very big… I would seek advices, suggestions, decisions for everything from her and then she also unknowingly seemed to deliver the same advices or decisions to me even when not asked for , and this had become a part and parcel of my life. I was clinging to her as an ant to sugar.. At some point of time i had lost my self respect and people had also started laughing behind my back. And i used gulped it all only because I thought my whole life’s survival dependent on that friend of mine and it was only due to her that my life was going on.
Unfortunately not being conscious of this thing I lost so many years, a major relationship because i was never myself… But as you said that you need to go through all this if you want to know life otherwise it wouldn’t have been possible.
Motherhood was a point that made a turning point in my life. Firstly I was so occupied being a mother and rearing my baby and having so much limited time for my work etc. And slowly a distance started to distance me from my friend of whom I initially talked about. There was a limited time and a lot of work to be done, related to my career and i started focussing more and more on myself, my studies on homoeopathy so on and so forth and didn’t realise that when the friend’s connection startes taking a distance and dissolving.. Initially I was irritated, angry, would call her many times but she hardly called back due to her own reasons, later I shut off and then as I entered my new life as a mother.. I realised one day oh my God I have changed a lot, my work capacity has increased, I don’t have time for silly gossips, for trivial upsets, sad stories, seeking n asking for decisions, advices etc. Slowly and steadily my confidence in practicing homoeopathy also grew and i became more focused on myself in every way and i dont know when n how I became pretty independent.. A young independent beautiful soul emerging day and day and nurturing her green babies and thereby evolved new me and when I looked back I saw myself..that self that was so clingy to the friend, would call her may be 10times a day and there were times when that friend hardly called me back, I was emotionally drained in that relationship, it was sick, because I was stagnated and would consider her everything, nothing else was seen, later then in my motherhood journey I realised I was so much worthy of … Worthy to decide for myself, worthy to acknowledge, worthy to live for, worthy of everything I could ever imagine..also this new mother is me is strong enough to be there for my child, to nurture him the way he is, to not try to mould him into something he is not. I am not scared of failure but i face it now with dignity and grace…i am love with the person I am slowly..Never had I realised this wonderful gift had that friend if mine wasn’t their in my life, now the relation with the friend is not to satisfy my need but to enhance our relationship, to share our joys n sorrows and be independent inspite of a lovely bond not binding us.. Thank you my dear friend, and thank you my manjhi, my own soul who just was hidden beneath all the compensation of my false beliefs. Of course I have my own pattern, I face difficulties but i have become aware.. I look inward for answers and not outward anymore.. The journey of travelling out is easy but the journey to unflold our beautiful soul is something what life is all about and so my journey too continues …
Dr Dnyanada Ghanekar